try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
