I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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