I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
