i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
