dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
