she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize