How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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