I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
