Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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