Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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