today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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