Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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