i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
