i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize