All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
