She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize