im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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