She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
