wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
