Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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