I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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