so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize