I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
