ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
