my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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