Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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