You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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