nut hugger
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
