she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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