Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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