need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
