yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize