wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
