I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
