Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
