Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
