I must be too annoying 4 u.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
