I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize