I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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