I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
