Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
love makes seman taste better
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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