i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize