Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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