Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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