Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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