she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
