the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
