How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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