you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
