my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
