I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
