when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
