Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
