Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
