He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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