I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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