Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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