We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
