1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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