Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
