there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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