Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
