I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
