you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
