My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
