clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
