Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
