So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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