Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
