Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
