Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
