I just saw a hot homeless man
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
