My hand turned me down
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
