oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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