his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
